When I sat down to write my blog last month on the 15th anniversary of my accident, little did I know the impact that day would have on my life again. I wrote about a new phase beginning and the sense of a cycle finishing but by the end of the day I would truly understand the meaning of what I was feeling.
August 17th was always defined by the day of the accident. Some years, I reflected on the past, other years I just let it pass by without ceremony. This year felt different for some reason and I couldn’t quite pinpoint why.
I had given up hope of ever having a great love story. With everything that had happened to me, I had shut off whole parts of myself in order to deal with the emotional challenges that came my way. I was hardened and didn’t want to let anyone in, to ensure that I could stay strong for myself. But it was tiring, emotionally draining and lonely. Trying to stay strong when sometimes I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. To keep going, because if I started to break I worried I wouldn’t be able to pick myself up yet again. I had begun to question my ability to bring down my walls, to really open my heart and let someone in. But ultimately the right person, with patience, understanding and love can do just that and in the end it wasn’t hard at all.
So today I am writing this blog post dedicated to the love of my life. The man who completed the final piece of my puzzle, who helped me find my way and who understands me in a way I could never have imagined. But this isn’t about love completing me. Or love being the answer. This is about acceptance and allowing myself to feel something. To stay in bed when I feel down and it be ok. To give myself a break when it all got too much and to focus on how far I had come instead of how far behind I felt at times. We are a team, motivating each other, lifting each other up and more than anything having a lot of fun along the way.
And if anything is representative of why this man is perfect for me it was his understanding of the significance of the 17thof August and why it was so important to him to change what that day meant to me. So on the 17thof August 2018, I said yes. Yes to my one true love, yes to changing what this day means forever and yes to the next, exciting phase of my life. At last I felt like I had stopped holding my breath and could allow myself to let true happiness flood the darkness.
And so this post is dedicated to you, My love, My One. I am not sure I can ever truly express how much you have touched my heart (and my family’s) but I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, making sure you feel as loved as I do. X